14 May 2020


If you want new opportunities, seek new doors to open. If you can’t yet see the doors, build them.

This came to me in a meditation this week and made me sit up and pay attention to where I’m at in my little world right now. Over the past few years I’ve been working really hard at peeling back metaphorical layers of myself in order to understand, heal and develop my life. I've really dug deep into experiences I have had, why I have had them and what it is I have gained (or perhaps lost) from going through whatever the thing was. 

I am super aware, and very mindful, of how some people view the world of 'self-development' and how it can come over as self-righteousness or somehow like it is the 'only way to be', and I hate that, but sometimes it is hard to articulate things surrounding that subject using the right words, and I never want to come across as preachy or anything negative at all, so I stress that I am only talking about my own experiences here.

I've been journaling a lot this week about how choosing, consciously, to tread the path of self development has been one of the most wonderful and excruciatingly difficult things I’ve chosen to do. Each experience I point light at and try to delve into, has revealed a new moment to internally resolve. But the more time I spend doing the work, the better I feel, so it’s more than worth it.

That is the hard part of this journey really, the part where you uncover a really deep emotional conflict or unresolved issue you have buried away (because burying things is so much easier) and then you have to work through it. I have learnt that if I bury things every time they stick their heads out the ground, and keep ignoring them, they will come back over and over again until I face them. Facing the big things is awful. You go into a dark place and feel crap and upset and hurt and like everyone knows what is going on behind your eyes, but it is what brings true growth. I didn't realise that part until I did it.

Recently, as a result of all the soul searching, morning journaling and meditation sessions (and exercising myself into a sweaty mess when I am full of emotions), I’ve entered a season of 'forward movement' in my life; of realising that no one is going to change my environment (to bring me into alignment with my goals and desires), no one but me anyway. I am the one in charge and I am the one that has to seek, create and leap into the arms of opportunities as I find them (or create them if they seem to have got lost on their way to me!). It is up to me to build doors to open and venture into the rooms they hold behind them. Scary? Yes. A good kind of scary though.

The biggest door I have opened recently is the one to working with Holly (from A Branch of Holly) and other business owners who are all there to level up. I thought it would be scary, in a ‘I can’t do this’ kind of way. I thought I would stick out like a sore thumb and people would think I wasn’t good enough to be there. I though a lot of things. Fear is a weird old friend. Taking the leap and showing up daily to what I am being taught, challenges I am being set and throwing myself into doing things that are far from my comfort zone is what will change how my life is unfolding. It will move me forward in so many more ways than just helping my business, and that is why I faced the feelings of fear and sign up to take part. This is what we have to do to see change.

What I’ve learned, first and foremost, in the last few years is that fear can make you so stagnant; it can keep you from achieving your goals in such a major way. When it comes to trying new things, no matter how big or small, if you feel fear, just do it anyway. Fear is, more often than not, the most brave and exciting thing to face. Before entering this coaching group for Leaf Lane Studio, I felt so much resistance... fear. Now I’m in it, what do I feel? Inspiration, motivation, sparks of creativity, renewed energy, happiness, increasing mental strength and so much more.

So, when I was meditating and I heard the whole door analogy, I knew what it meant. I knew that I had to go in search of doors to open or build the ones I need to challenge me; it all just made sense to me and I know it is right.

The lesson: build the door! Open it and leap in!

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