17 July 2019

DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE



I feel like the last couple of years have been full of self discovery, mostly painful self discovery but totally worth every second of agony, because I think the only way to truly get on the path that leads onward is through the grit. I have chosen to put myself through all the hurt and all the anxiety to discover more about myself; the person I am underneath the smile I have for everyone every single day, the things that fire me up, make me happy or sad, the stupid little things that break me, the things that make my day brighter.

Discovering who you really are sounds easy, but it really isn't. The movies and the airy fairy, fluffy kind of self-help books make us think that we just need to sit in a lotus position and meditate for a bit and suddenly we will emerge a more well-rounded human being, but in my experience I have had to completely break down, several times over, to fully 'see' myself for who I am. Have I always liked what I've seen? No way, but I needed to (and will always need to) see those dark places to know where I can go and how to grow from them, because it is true that out of the darkness we see more light than we can ever imagine.

Don't be scared to look within, don't be afraid to delve right on in to the hardest thing you have been through and work out why things happened. I have looked back over many things in the last 18 months and asked serious questions of myself to work out why something happened how it did and what I could have done differently. I have been to all ends of the emotional spectrum, ending up in the care of the mental health crisis team on the way, but I needed to get things out. 

I guess I have been looking to reach a point of self acceptance in some way, a place where I can let go of guilt and pain and try to live in the now, rather than hovering about between the past and the future, forever questioning actions and decisions. Naturally, as human beings, we all find ourselves gravitating back to things that have happened in our lives, but I have learned that the more I look within, the more I unpick and sort through all the mental crap I carry about, the easier it is to let things wash over me when they inevitably revisit. It is just about not letting them set up camp in your head I guess.



Why am I writing all this? Honestly, I really don't know. It was all in my heart and I wanted to place it somewhere. Recently I have discharged myself from the care of the mental health team in favour of other ways of dealing with things. I realised that I haven't got something long term to be medicated forever more and to be constantly diagnosed medically, but in-fact I have a sensitive soul, and that I am someone who is never going to just accept things without deep questioning, a questioning that can often cause me severe agony. I have my own unique outlooks on many parts of life which are very different to others and one day I just realised I was searching for self-acceptance. 

The path of comparison is a dangerous one, and it is the one that has dug into my mind and eaten away at me for longer than I care to admit. When I have got upset about something and told someone else, only to hear them say 'that's bloody weird, why do you get upset about that', I have questioned myself to the core, battling what I think is important with what they think is important. With many things I am in the minority, but I am learning that being in the minority is kind of cool actually. This is the work I am doing for myself now; accepting my thoughts are okay, accepting that I am not strange for feeling all the things that I do that many don't understand. I am me, and that is okay, the same way that you are you, and we are unique in our own thoughts and actions.

It's not an easy path, the one of self-development. If you choose to walk it you are bloody brave, and I am right next to you, being brave too. But I would much prefer to walk this path than to just be closed off to the world and the emotions it brings. The core of real life is in the lessons of our every day experiences, but also there is so much to gain from sitting in the difficulties for a while too, just don't sit there too long, only long enough to see what you came for, then simply get up, and walk away.
SHARE:

15 July 2019

WEEKLY GRATITUDE



Hello my loves, so evidently I find myself getting more and more behind and more and more tired, so my Sunday post has become a Monday post! Whoops. Never mind, it's here now! In my defense, I have been working super hard on deadlines for things as well as working 20 hours a week at the hotel, so life takes over sometimes huh?

Let's jump on in to all the things that happened to be grateful for last week!

:: Last week was a beautifully warm and sunny one and has also had its moments of high humidity. Between the South and North coast of Cornwall the weather can change quite a lot, but I love seeing the difference in the light and the clouds on my drive to and from Carbis Bay. The nights have been wonderfully clear too, which you guys know is right up my street for a little peep at the stars, and my goodness, they have been so stunning.

:: On Thursday I ventured out the house (can I get a cheer for stopping work for a few hours?!) and met Peta (from Nourishing Soulfully) and her other half ‘Cat Dad’ (not his real name, in case you wondered!). They are back in Cornwall visiting family and we managed to squeeze some time in together at St Michaels Mount in Marazion. Being a slightly anti-social local these days I try and avoid the main 'places to be' in the summer because crowds of people freak me out, but you know you’re a special person in my life when I will tackle a full car park and sweaty crowds to see you! Once I’d taken a few deep breaths into a paper bag and gathered myself together, I found Peta heading towards the beach with a bright pink Alpaca under her arm, which she named ‘Lawrence’! I love him and he is now pride of place in my office and has been promoted to Leaf Lane Studio Lawyer. We had a wonderful wander about and Peta brought a picnic along too (she is definitely a teacher and organised our trip!), so we found a quiet spot to chill and eat. With my anxiety and crazy fear of crowds, it was good to push myself and do something I would normally shy away from. The gardens at the mount are gorgeous and I would love to see them again; they are only open sporadically, and in all the years I’ve been coming to Cornwall, this was the first time I’ve actually been at the mount when they’ve been open. Thank you to Peta and Cat Dad for a great day, and for my cute little bracelet too, I adore it!



:: You know, sometimes all it takes is one little change in life to make you feel so much better. My change this week is upping my water to three litres a day (apart from today where I was so busy I just didn’t drink enough). It has honestly taken away bloating and given me so much more energy than before. Water, I am grateful for you buddy!

:: I sent a few of my new Leaf Lane Studio tear-off ‘to-do’ list off to some of my closest pals last week to see what they thought and had some lovely feedback (thanks ladies!). All I have to decide now is a launch date and order the next couple of things in the product line so you guys can buy things all together, because you may want one of everything, right?!! Seriously though guys, I am just grateful for any support you offer even if it’s a ‘like’ on my studio vlogs on YouTube I am really grateful to you. I am on a huge mission with my business, big, big plans and things I really want to achieve, but I can’t do it without you!

:: I've mentioned the wonderful Catherine from Katnipp Illustrations before, but I can't help but bring her into this list once more because her studio vlogs are just so inspirational to me. Even though our art styles are totally different, what she does so well is show true and honest business 'behind the scenes' and I have so enjoyed watching her build Katnipp up and up. I admire her honesty about failures and her feedback about suppliers and all the things that come with running a business, because it can seem so hard to know what is normal and what isn't when you start out; you are just left going along on your own and guessing what is what and trying to figure out how not to make mistakes. I have learnt a lot from watching Catherine's channel and continue to  be inspired by her every day; the woman is awesome!

:: You guys know how much I adore a good quote, and I am always writing them down on bits of scrap paper and losing them again, and although I have hundreds on Pinterest, I like having them written down too, especially the ones that really spark something in me. So I decided to grab one of my spare notebooks and turn it into a bit of a scribble pad for quotes and interesting things I see. I think it will be a lovely thing to look back on too.

:: Whilst at St Michaels Mount I treated myself to two cute little succulents from their sweet 'Garden Shop', I love having plants in the house and I figure that succulents are hard to kill off, so they came home with me. They had so many to choose from and they were so pretty, but not as grand as the ones in the grounds of the mount though, they were huge!

That is all I have for you this week guys, it's been a full on busy one, so forgive the short list as there hasn't been much time for anything but work and general life admin! Have a great week and pop back on Wednesday as I think you may like the post I have all ready and waiting to go up!

In the meantime, why not head over to my YouTube Channel and catch my latest vlogs, I would love to see you over there!

SHARE:

10 July 2019

PEACEFUL PLACES | GODOLPHIN HOUSE



I don't know about you, but I love nothing more than peace and quiet in order to return into myself and reboot my mind, body and soul, and one of my favourite places to do just that is in the stunning grounds of Godolphin House, one of the National Trust properties here in Cornwall. I adore every National Trust place I have ever been, but there is just something about this one that calls out to me, it is truly special.

It is such a magical place and has this way of refilling my inspiration, restoring my spirit and connecting me back into nature, it never fails. You rarely see crowds of people, so you can stroll around, lost in your thoughts and find some serenity again without being disturbed by endless chatter (nothing wrong with chatter, I'm a pro at it, but this place calls for a more peaceful approach).

I could talk about this beautiful place for ages, but I think I will let the photos speak for themselves. The house only opens on the first weekend of every month, and it is gorgeous too, but the gardens are the most wonderful part of the visit, unless you are counting the cake in the cafe, although there wasn't any of that this time!

PS: at the end of this post is my latest Studio Vlog, which includes some footage from Godolphin House too, which I hope you will love as much as I do! Enjoy the photographs from one of my favourite peaceful spots in Cornwall.



Thank you so much for being here, I hope you felt a small sense of how amazingly magical Godolphin House is through the photos, but if you visit Cornwall, add it to your list, it is truly a must see at any time of year, but spring and summer are pretty special!

SHARE:

7 July 2019

YOU HAVE THE POWER


In every situation, you have the power to decide to stay or walk away, to carry on reading the book you are reading or to set it aside, to take the risk or to stay in safety. You have the power to change your life, from the tiny details to the bigger dreams, it is in your hands.

This, rather intense subject, came up for me recently when I was at work, where I am pretty much alone for four hours cleaning in silence, so things tend to surface and run away with themselves (which sometimes is awesome and other times is really bad!). On this occasion I was intrigued by how the thoughts unfolded. I started to consider how many situations I have really battled with, even though they felt 'off', how many times I have made myself stick with something because I was worried about the opinions of those around me, or how many hours I have spent absorbing information that is just a total waste of time.

The universe had my back with this thought though, because a day later, I was listening to one of my absolute favourite podcasts, Earn Your Happy, by Lori Harder, when she began talking about how we need to decide daily, whether something makes us 'expand' or 'contract' when we are within it. When I heard her talking about this, I sat up and took notice because it really hit the nail on the head and resonated with all the things I had been thinking about. 

Asking ourselves whether something makes us expand or contract works for anything, from the meals we are choosing, to friendships we surround ourselves with. It is so easy to brush things under the carpet and just get along with things, even if they don't really add anything to our lives. As I have got older, I have become very aware of what takes my energy away and what builds it, and now I have had that realisation in my life, nothing can stop me noticing it.

For example, when you are with a friend who lights you up, makes you laugh, has your back through everything and will also tell you when you are being a total idiot, that is utter expansion. Within expansion you should feel better for that person or situation being around you, you should feel more alive, it should flow and become part of who you are seamlessly.



With contraction we feel pullback, resistance, doubt, fear, negativity and not like we are growing into a more fulfilled human being. We feel uneasy in contraction, and like we are being held back from who we are. We have all experienced this, probably daily if we think about all the small things that happen, and that is totally normal, but what I am saying is to be a bit more mindful of these things and, as Lori says in episode 390, ask yourself the question 'does this {insert situation here} make me expand or contract', and just see what shows up.

We shouldn't be wasting time with people who restrict us, who clip our wings and fight to bring us down to where they are in their lives at that given moment. Instead, what we do need is a team who lifts us up, even on our darkest days, tells us we can do it and reminds us that every cloud has a silver lining. These people are the ones who encourage us to expand into the better versions of us; they are 'the keepers' and the ones worth having around.

So, audit your life, see what fits into which category (write a list if you need to!), and see how you feel when you look at it; be super honest with yourself and don't beat yourself up about it. You need to refill your energy tank with all the good things; the music that you love, the books that inspire you and open up your heart, the people that you are excited to be around, and the food that your body is nourished by. There is no right or wrong answer here, and only you can make the choices of whether or not something is worth keeping in your life.

Resonate with this? Pop a comment down below and let me know your thoughts on it!
SHARE:
© From Lucy, with Love. All rights reserved.
Blogger Templates by pipdig