24 April 2019

THERE IS MAGIC IN EVERYTHING


^^ Background image by 'Sweet Ice Cream Photography' on Unsplash ^^

What happens when we let ourselves fully lean into our vulnerabilities and emotions?

Being honest with ourselves, when we are feeling something significant in our hearts and minds, takes courage. It takes courage to let yourself have the ‘space’ to feel into it and to work it out, and it also can take a great deal of time too. I think the reason so many of us consciously choose the easier path is that we expect life to make things happen for us without any discomfort happening to us. This is an impossible thing to request because it is the discomfort that really makes us grow, even though we certainly don’t feel it at the time that’s for sure!

When we are feeling a huge amount of discomfort and fear around a subject, we can often stuff our emotions deep down and paint a beautiful coat of fresh white paint over the top to try and hide them from view (the problem is, as with real life decorating, if you haven’t done the leg work to fully prepare the wall then whatever was underneath will show through to the surface in time or just look slightly off...you get the metaphor here!). 

So what would happen if you actually gave yourself permission to jump into your more uncomfortable fears and feelings? Probably this...

1. It would feel hard (yeah, almost certainly)
2. You may cry, a lot (so what?)
3. There is a chance you may feel lost and unsure whilst allowing this emotion to surface (okay, but what will be at the other end of this exploration?)
4. You may feel vulnerable and scared (more than likely, but it will teach you so much about strength too)

These are just a few things that can come up when you decide to let your emotions in, but when you do, as I found out recently, wonderful things can happen.

About a month ago, without boring you with the nitty gritty, I had a day where I couldn’t hold in all my pent up emotions anymore; I broke, and I broke in spectacular style. I felt everything all at once; all the pain from the past, all the bad words, actions and confusing thoughts and fear. I was overwhelmed, disorientated and scared of what was happening. I cried so hard, for so many hours that I had to bathe my eyes open several times to be able to see to walk around. I sat on the floor in various places around the house, because all the pacing around was exhausting and I’d keep reaching points where I need to sit wherever I was and try to regroup. It was one of the hardest days I have experienced in my life; I was alone and I was really, really scared.

The reason I love this Rob Bell quote so much, ‘the interesting things happen when we come to the end of ourselves’, is because, after that day, where all the pieces of the jigsaw that is me, were scattered all over the place, and I’d cried every tear I had available, I sat and felt this huge wave of calm wash over me. Yes, I have no doubt it was partly utter exhaustion, but it was also like I had fully cleansed my spirit of so many things in one day.

I had ‘come to the end of myself’, or at least one chapter of myself and, as Rob Bell said, interesting things were starting to happen. Amazing thoughts started to creep into my mind over the days that followed, eye opening realisations and insights that I hadn’t considered before. I had created space for new things to come in by allowing the old to leave me. It felt so incredible. 

So here's my advice; lean in, allow things to surface and don’t be afraid to feel everything you are being shown. If in doubt, grab a pen and a notebook and write; write anything and everything that comes into your head. Don’t worry whether it makes sense, don’t try and make it look neat or sound clever; don’t give a shit about punctuation or grammar in any way, because this is for your eyes only. 

Allowing the rawness to surface to create space for something new and exciting is worth the suffering that can, but doesn’t always, come along. Just don’t stay in the suffering for too long. You have a choice whether or not to respond to the pain and allow it to hang around too long; make the right choice! Take small, conscious steps forward and keep moving in that direction, however  slowly, towards your dreams and desires. 
SHARE:

21 April 2019

WEEKLY GRATITUDE



I’m back in my usual spot at 7.15am on a Sunday morning, writing this post for you guys before work kicks off in a couple of hours (and my word it’s busy at work over the Easter weekend!). I love early mornings so much, even though 7.15am is my lay-in these days because my alarm goes off at 5.20am six days a week, but when there are no other sounds but the birds and the sea it really is magical. This morning started slightly differently however, because there was a slight ‘moment’ involving Gizmo and a mystery that will never be solved! 

She was out for most of the day yesterday, enjoying the sun somewhere (heaven knows where but her ‘summer routine’ has instinctively kicked in with the warmer weather); she finally came in and had her usual brush and treats at about 8pm then went upstairs. Here’s the mystery... no one let her out, so when I woke up this morning and went to check on her, because it is highly unusual for her to sleep all night long without going out again, she wasn’t there. She was outside. How? No windows were open, she hadn’t been let out as she’d gone upstairs, so how was she out? Answers on a post card. She has been acting super strange the last few days too, which I was putting down to the full moon because she goes bonkers on each one, but now I think she can disapparate, Harry Potter-style... I just don’t get it guys!

Anyway...

Let’s get into today’s random list of heaven knows what!

:: Let’s start with an Easter based one because it is Easter Sunday after all. Earlier in this week I arrived home from work to a parcel from my mum, full of Easter treats and some of my favourite BB cream too (she knows me very well, thanks mum!). Of course, all of it went straight in the fridge (the only place from which to enjoy chocolate!) and I may have eaten some of it because I don't want it to go out of date.

:: This week I had Peta and I had scheduled in a 'Cat Mum' chat over FaceTime, which somehow extended on to almost the two hour mark. It started with Peta saying 'I'm talking to you from the supermarket car park because I've been in to buy some Easter treats' and ended with her saying 'oh no, all the Easter treats have melted and are going all out of shape!'. You know when you shouldn't laugh but you can't help it...yeah! 

 
:: I listened to a wonderful episode of Oprah's 'Super Soul Sunday' podcast this week, featuring the genius that is Brene Brown, who was talking all about trust. There is a particularly lovely story she tells about her daughter, Ellen, being very upset as a young girl, because some kids laughed at her. Ellen's friend had told the whole class something she had told her in confidence, and when she got home, she broke down to her mum saying 'I will never trust anyone again'. Brene goes on to say that the teacher in her daughters class had a jar that gets marbles added to it when good things happen and taken away for bad things, and because of the behaviour of the class that day, marbles were removed. With her daughter so distressed, Brene tried to explain that trust is like the marble jar; you share the hard things with friends who, over time, have filled up your marble jar; they have done thing after things to fill up your jar. She went on to ask Ellen if she had any 'marble jar' friends, and asked her what those friends had done to earn marbles. Ellen explained how her friend Lorna had saved her a seat at the lunch table once and how another girl had pointed out to Ellen that her grand parents were at a school event. Brene realised that it wasn't the huge, life-changing things that built trust, but lots and lots of tiny things that added marbles to the jar of trust. Go and give it a listen, it is such a good one!

:: The weather this weekend has been ridiculously beautiful hasn't it? Monday I was wrapped up and freezing cold and yesterday and today I was sat out in the garden, after work, reading my book and lapping up the sun. There is something about the sea over at Carbis Bay (where I work) and St Ives that looks so stunning in the sunshine, it is vibrant blue and green and looks so inviting, especially when you are boiling hot from wrestling a super king duvet into a duvet cover!

:: On the subject of work, I started a new 'thing' on my Instagram Stories this week, where I share with you the very random songs that come into my head whilst I am housekeeping at the hotel. I honestly don't know where my brain digs them out from, but I have had such random, old songs pop into my head and I am singing away to myself before I even realise it. If you missed this weeks installment then you missed: Fraggle Rock, It's a Jolly Holiday (from Mary Poppins), a bit of Baby Shark, Oasis, Counting Crows and some others that have escaped me! Make sure you are following my Instagram for updates!


:: This week has been the best week for training. There is literally not one muscle that doesn't ache today (aided by four hours at work too I guess!). I have pushed hard all week and it felt so good to be increasing my weights again and seeing some real results in terms of strength. My proudest achievement this week was hitting the five plates on the leg press, which is rather a lot of weight let me tell you (Mum, don't even bring it up with me okay... I can hear you rolling your eyes from here!).

:: The down side to training hard and housekeeping is that I get tired and that very much highlights my clumsy side. I am covered in scrapes, grazes and bruises right now, much like a very young child. I said to my training buddy this week that I am basically a human 'Rumba' hoover; one of those ones you let do its own thing and when it hits something it bounces off and carries on! Yep, that is me; a bull in a china shop.

I will leave it right there for today's post as I have to get myself sorted for the week and plan some things in my journal, but I will see you guys on Wednesday for another one! Have an amazing week ahead and don't forget to come and follow along on Instagram for the song game... click here or search 'fromlucywithloveblog' on the app!

SHARE:

17 April 2019

THIS HAS TO STOP


^^ Background image from Unsplash, by Annie Spratt / Original quote source unknown, found on Pinterest ^^

I had a whole other post written up for today (I'll schedule it for another time!), but then I was listening to a podcast yesterday and I heard someone talking about something she had witnessed happening one day in her local gym in the US somewhere, where a woman she knew to be very capable was ‘dumbing herself down’ in order to allow a man to explain to her what she should do  on a basic piece of equipment (even thought she knew much more than him in that environment!). Sounds crazy right? Yeah, it is, but that is one example and, for the purpose of this post I and not going down the whole feminist route at all; hearing that podcast example was just a prompt for me to explore my thoughts / experiences around why we may feel the need to dumb ourselves down in certain situations.

As I thought about the scenario described in the podcast, I had a sudden, somewhat horrific, realisation that I do this ‘dumbing down’ behaviour too, although it is not because I am allowing someone to show me something (especially in the gym dammit!), it is more a self-preservation thing for me I think. If I had to paint a picture of what I am like a lot of the time, so that you could immediately reference something you know, then just think about the character Chandler from Friends; a bit of a joker who uses humour as a defence mechanism; that is totally me. 

There is nothing wrong with a sense of humour of course, but I have become very aware that I use it to keep people away from knowing ‘the real me’ sometimes; the person that is at the very core of who I am. That is a form of dumbing down in itself because, rather than get overly into a conversation I can often throw random humour in to almost try and divert from something. As an individual, I have a lot of questions and ideas or opinions to offer, but I don’t let people see that because of fear. The fear is always of not feeling qualified enough to give them the answer they want, need or expect, and there is a voice always offering up the following dialogue ‘...they will think you are stupid, they won’t agree with you and you will be wrong’. Because of that I use humour. 

I am usually the one to make people laugh, ‘Lucy has a wicked sense of humour’ is something people say a lot, and I have (I’m a hoot for heavens sake!), but I am very aware of not letting my qualities rise up and overflow into general conversation because I have a lot of fear, so I dumb myself down so that I am not asked questions that I may get 'wrong' (read this to mean that someone may not like my opinion), or so that I don’t upset anyone, because if you are ‘the funny one’ people have no expectations of you, other than some fast humour, and I can do that easily.

So what are the good qualities? How do we start to step out of the dumbing down and into our true self? Well, I am starting to work on being less afraid to offer up my opinion; people who are very close to me will probably be thinking '...you are never short of an opinion you feisty mare!', but that is because they truly know who I am. In general though, I end up being the goofy, clumsy, joker and whilst that is part of me (boy am I clumsy sometimes!), I also have other qualities that mean I am not a stupid human at all. I am intelligent, I have opinions that I am seriously passionate about and I take many subjects very seriously because of this; so dumbing down is, quite literally, DUMB.

We all need to be more confident and true to showing up as who we are. Sometimes there is a real need to put on a front in certain situations in order to get through them, we are all human and we all do this from time to time, but there is no need to be afraid of being you (saying this to me as much as you!). It is very true that people who have a fundamental issue with some part of our personality are often just projecting their own issues on you, so let's all just try and shine. Let's make a commitment to showing the world who we really are; own your sh*t because it is fine for us all to be different to one another, thank God we are different.

Having read this, can you see any dumbing down in your life? Look out for it and stop it and, if you feel like sharing it, leave me a comment and let's chat!
SHARE:

14 April 2019

WEEKLY GRATITUDE



Confession time my loves, I’m struggling with my time management a bit. I’m very aware that I will find my place in my new routine soon, but it is having a bit of an impact whilst I do. As I write this post it is half past seven in the morning, I am heading to work my Sunday shift at the hotel in a couple of hours, and whilst I have the time I sit scribbling down ideas for Leaf Lane Studio and this very blog. I haven't quite learned how to juggle it all yet, and the biggest thing I have noticed, thanks to sitting to write my ‘Weekly Gratitude’ posts, is that I am really getting no time whatsoever to do things that light me up and that results in me sitting at the computer with rather a blank expression when it comes to this very post.

There are plenty of things I am grateful for, but I have become conscious, over the last two weeks, that I need to have a serious think about when I get ‘me’ time and then what I actually choose to do with that time. Right now, I am so exhausted that I sleep and then, when I wake up, I’m working again. I definitely need to find a more efficient way of managing things. In my Wednesday post I made a commitment in front of you, to take myself out for a blog/business planning coffee morning (or Lucy equivalent, aka tea morning!) and I must make sure this happens asap, because when I am at home there is always something else that needs my attention or needs doing, it is all to easy to lose yourself in the 'list of crap' that needs doing instead of throwing yourself into your business. 

So, I’m going to be working on my own well being a bit more, which I am grateful to have recognised sooner rather than later as an issue, but for now at least I will attempt a list of things from the past week, or some general musings about life, to tide us over this week!

Let's go!

:: I don’t know if you guys ever do this but, occasionally, when it’s super late at night and I’m really tired, I will decide to go onto iTunes and look at the cheaper albums (I don’t buy much music these days so the cheap albums are always my ‘go to’ section!). For some reason, that I can never explain, I always end up buying a random album late at night that I’m really ‘feeling’ in my tired stupor, and then I wake up in the morning and think ‘why did I get that, I’m never going to listen to that!’. This happened recently with the Florence and the Machine album ‘High as Hope’; I like a lot of the music I have heard over the years from them, but I’ve never been a big enough fan to buy an album... but I was a couple of weeks ago apparently. My point to this long waffle is to say that I have discovered a new favourite song whilst giving the album a chance (it’s not bad actually!); the song is called ‘The End of Love’ and it is so beautiful. The album version has a long, instrumental opening section, which really gets you into the track and then it is full of gorgeous lyrics which grabbed me by the heart. It is one of those songs that needs to be played loud for a full on experience! Give it a listen on Spotify and let me know what you think. 



:: Despite losing my way, organisation wise, since starting my part time job, I’m actually really enjoying my role as housekeeper! When I decided to get a job, I knew that I’d need to get something around twenty hours a week, and I had in mind the exact thing that I knew would suit me and I can honestly say that this job is it. I wanted something that wouldn’t involve me ‘taking things home’ mentally after a shift, or take up hours and hours of head space before a day of work, due to worry or anxiety about what I’m doing. My role in this beautiful hotel, is to create a lovely environment for people who are escaping their day to day routines and I’m really loving being a part of that. Not only that but I get to do all of that whilst having the most stunning views and amazing surroundings to work in. I’m very grateful for my little job and the people I get to work with; it has had a positive impact on my mental health too, which is invaluable to me.

:: Although I have a stack of books piled up to read, I had a recommendation, from the awesome Adam Palmer on Instagram, to read Sadhguru’s ‘Inner Engineering: A Yogi’s Guide to Joy’, which as soon as I looked into it I knew I had to buy and read it as a priority. I have listened to a few of Sadhguru’s talks on YouTube and find him utterly captivating (with a rather unexpected sense of humour too!) and I am loving his book so far, it is so up my street! 

:: This week I had an appointment with the mental health team to discuss moving forwards after my recent assessment. I wasn’t looking forward to it one bit, after my previous experiences being so bad, but I must say that this time it was different. I now have a person who is my dedicated central point, for want of another term (or because I cannot remember what her role actually is!) and she will help me or direct me to other services that may be useful and/or be a contact if I need help. Where I struggle is that I don’t need too much 99% of the time, I am high functioning and can cope with a lot; it is the rare 1% that is super severe that I need a little assistance in order to cope and, this time, I am hopeful the balance will be right. The lovely lady I saw was not too formal (phew) and wasn’t willing to pigeon-hole me at all, which is a positive thing. There is nothing worse than people who assume you are a certain way just because you have mental health battles. Fingers crossed for the future of that!


:: For basically two whole years I have not been able to spend money unless it was absolutely necessary, and over that time I have been unable to treat myself to the one skincare product I absolutely love using and that works wonders for my skin. So, with my first pay from the hotel I decided to get myself a small bottle of Pixi ‘Glow Tonic’ which, as it turned out, I got for free because I had enough points on my Boots card! I really love this stuff as it brightens my skin and rejuvenates it so much, but it doesn’t come cheap, even a small bottle is £10, but it’s such a nice treat for me. At my age I need to invest in skincare!

:: Gizmo has been super clingy to me recently (more than normal) and, when I get home from work and have my 30 minute nap (I use a timed ‘sounds’ video on YouTube which wakes you up after 28 minutes, it works for me!) she is always right by my side, stretching out he little paw to hold onto my arm or my hand an join me for a little snooze. She is like my little shadow and I utterly adore her. She is enjoying the sunnier weather too and has been outside rolling about on the patio with all four legs in the air, soaking in the warmth; she has always loved spring. The return of the sun also means she gets to play her two favourite games, ‘running up the palm trees’ and ‘hunting the pretend beast’ (which is basically just us waving a palm leaf about in the grass and her charging about after it! 

:: I cannot tell you the difference the lighter evenings are making to me. I am definitely struggling more with darkness as I get older; I seem to need much more light and sunshine now than ever before. My mood is just so much happier with more light and I am generally more motivated and inspired to do more things. Up until even a few years back I used to dread the thought of summer, but these days I cannot wait! Bring on the sun!


:: I was really happy to receive the March subscription box ‘Little Piece of Cornwall’ through the post last week; a subscription made up of the most beautiful, hand picked goodies from this even more beautiful county. When it arrived it felt like Christmas; I love subscription boxes and really miss getting my little beauty one I used to get. I was kindly gifted the March box of ‘Little Piece of Cornwall’ and I quite literally squealed when it arrived, because it is genuinely something I’ve been wanting to try since I saw the gorgeous Lucy, from Love Kernow mention it on her Insta story. The box has the most stunning foiled lettering on which I am obsessed with and the products inside, all sourced locally and hand picked around the theme of food for March, are all super yummy and gorgeous (I love the mini Cornishware cup more than I can say!). You guys should definitely check out their website and see what the subscription has to offer; if you love Cornwall, live in Cornwall and want to support local business or discover new ones, or you just want a gorgeous surprise box of goodies coming through your door every month, then you will love it! Click right here to head to the website and, if you want to go for it (go on, treat yourself), you can use the code ‘LUCY2019’ to get £10 off a six or twelve month subscription! I genuinely love it so much; I won’t accept anything that a) I wouldn’t spend money on myself or b) doesn’t fit with what I align with, because I want you guys to know that, when I work with a brand, it is because I adore them... and this is one of them! Go check them out and follow them on Instagram too for a dose of Cornwall.

:: I’m loving seeing the bluebells gradually opening up all over now and various pops of colour from the wildflowers as the spring into life again! There are also lots and lots of magnolia trees in full bloom here too; they never fail to look beautiful.

That is all for this week guys; I promise I will try and get my life back on track and get out and about a little more to show you some beautiful places in Cornwall. I have been working every weekend at the hotel, so it has been tricky, but balance will return in the end I am sure. Thank you so much for bearing with me through it all. 

SHARE:

10 April 2019

SELF DEVELOPMENT | 5 THINGS I'M WORKING ON NOW


^^ Image by  Dominik Resek via Unsplash ^^

I know that the whole 'self-development' thing has become a phrase which is a little over-used these days and, because of that, has lost some meaning, but for me it is so important that I try to keep it at the forefront of my life every day. I love having full control over how I develop myself in a way that feels good to me and connects me to my place in this universe, because the way I choose to live my life, the way I show up for other people and the way I continue my human experience as a whole, is totally up to me to develop, no one else is going to wave a magic wand and make things happen for me. I don't want to conform to what we are told we should be and I certainly am not easily led by materialism or advertising in any way these days; I know what I want and, day by day I am learning more about who I am and that journey is so exciting to me.

I am completely aware that to really 'find' yourself is hard work and that to be the same as everyone else is the easier path, but easier doesn't mean better and easier certainly does not equal growth.  No matter what anyone likes to think about people who are into self-development (bring on the 'hippy' / 'woo-woo' comments!), the truth is this: to become more self aware is to embrace it all; the good and the bad, and you have to acknowledge your pain points and feel into the rawness of being you before the really good  stuff appears, but when the really good stuff does appear, that is when life gets magical.

So, here are my top five priorities for my own self-development at the moment, let me know one or some of yours in the comments, I would love to know what you are working on.

1 | M A K I N G  S P A C E

Do you ever reach saturation point in your mind? It can be many small things that have built up, or it can be one big thing; whatever it is though, we all need to have a clear out mentally (and sometimes physically too) of our 'baggage'. Right now, I need to redefine my focus, because it has got a little hazy over the last year or so; this is connected to my business mostly, because I have learned a lot and want to rework some things. To do this I need to make some space to allow my brain to think things through and know what will be a beneficial move for me.

I have realised how important it is, in order for true growth to take place, to intentionally create space in order for something new to appear, or else our energy is just getting more and more diluted as more 'stuff' gets packed into our minds. It is so easy to stay stagnant and wait for things to appear, but I truly believe in giving the new thing a nook to manifest in; we have to make sh*t happen for ourselves people!

What do you need to make space for to move forward in a positive way in your life?

2 | S H O W I N G  U P  A S  'M E'  O N  E V E R Y  P L A T F O R M

Something that has been bugging me for a long time is that I just cannot seem to maintain my 'voice' when I switch between my 'From Lucy with Love' and 'Leaf Lane Studio' Instagram pages. Something literally clicks in my head and I seem to lose all my personality when trying to do a story or post on Leaf Lane Studio's account (it's the same on Twitter too - not that I use Twitter that much; it's not my favourite platform, even though I have a lot to say so that may surprise some of you!).

I have made the decision to be exactly who I am across all accounts, because that is all I can be. I think I have been very self aware that it is a business and not a personal account, but I am also mindful of the fact that I cannot make everyone happy and that someone who aligns with who I am as an individual will 'get it' and those who don't like what I put out there will fall away, and that is okay!

What tends to happen with me is that I will stay away from doing something altogether if I am not 'feeling' it for whatever the reason may be. I want people to see exactly who I am, regardless of what the context or relevance to my business, which is the beauty of Instagram Stories after all right?

So you can expect to see more of  my general life on my Leaf Lane Studio account now too, so please make sure you are following along!



3 | N O W  I S  A L L  W E  H A V E

I know the whole 'living in the moment' thing has become a bit of an over used thing to say these days, but I am trying to really lean into re-training myself to do this because it is one of the biggest reasons I suffer with anxiety. As humans we are very much conditioned to think a lot about our past and dwell on what our futures may hold for us, which of course needs to be done to survive; we all have plans we have to think about and bills to pay, but I am talking about the bigger, more significant picture.

I think it is safe to assume that most of us, if not all of us, find ourselves getting upset or worried about things we feel may bring us some concern in the future; it is natural to worry about having job security or about whether our income is enough to sustain us and our families, but where we fail is making up too many stories that scare us so much that we become stuck in our lives.

The same goes for the past and things that have been done to us or that we may have done to others. If we refuse to learn from these times, and not move forwards, then we will either remain constantly sad and/or angry or turn bitter or worried about life in general, which will have a major effect on all of our friendships and relationships. There are always ripples out from anything we do in life, like little butterfly effects around every corner.

Let me tell you guys, this whole 'being in the present moment' is so hard to do though. I have been reading and listening to many people talking about this subject and it is extremely difficult to get my mind around just 'being', rather than comparing and contrasting to the past or what is yet to come. But think about it for a second; how many times do you feel anxious about a situation or slightly worried about doing something because of a previous experience? (Living in the past coming to haunt your future self!).

My most common anxiety is concerning people; what someone thinks, what someone may say, what they may do etc and so, for me, trying to get out of that habit is one of the best things I can do for self care, because it brings me so much anxiety. I can literally sit and make up a story of something that may happen or something someone just might be thinking about me and, before I know it, I am an anxious disaster. How crazy is that though? That we can think ourselves into that sort of mindset based on no facts whatsoever. That is what I am trying to change. 

Let's all try to live a bit more in the moment we are currently in, rather than wasting it thinking about a moment which has passed, or one yet to happen.

4 | M O R E  'M E'  T I M E

Okay, so this is a sweeping statement that could mean anything from taking a bath to going shopping (FYI, I am not a big shopping fan, not unless it is a) for gym kit or b) for art materials!), but I am talking about real quality time that speaks to my soul.

My morning workout is my first dose of 'me time' every day; it is my time to put my headphones in and lift something heavy to challenge my body, and I always leave the gym feeling so much better. What I am looking to bring back into my routine, now that spring is here and the weather is better, are my walks, no matter how short, along the coast path or just somewhere that is peaceful and allows for reflection. This walking meditation has always been the time where I can hear my intuition the most and can work through anything that needs filing away in my head or needs to be delved into more. I get my best ideas when I walk alone, quietly contemplating things and just allowing time and stillness to help me relax. The same is true late at night, when I step out and look up at the stars; staring at a familiar constellation and allowing my thoughts to pass through my mind always helps ease any anxiety I may have. The stars and nature are my 'go to' for me time.

5 | J O U R N A L I N G

I have kind of lost my way with journaling recently and I don't feel too good about it. Life has turned up a notch and many of my self-care habits have dropped away and I need to sort that out asap. For me, writing is such a passion but journaling is something altogether more cathartic and I miss it. I have suddenly developed a real guilt about having quiet time and need to drop that immediately because it is one of the most valuable things I can do to help my mental health and also generate ideas for my work. It's funny how we let go of the most important things sometimes yet still manage to find time for the most random stuff that we don't really need to do at all.

****

I think the spring is all about a bit of a life audit for me; an evaluation of all the facets of my life and a re-jiggle to make sure that I have balance and time for fun (and that I try to drop all the guilt surrounding taking a few minutes off here and there!). Ultimately it will be for the greater good to take a step back and reflect for a day or two. I think that I will hold myself accountable right now and say this: I am going to take myself out for a bit of a Leaf Lane Studio / From Lucy with Love evaluation and planning morning, somewhere out of the house and where I won't get distracted by the cat or housework. It is easy to put things to one side when they are 'yours' and, actually, I deserve a morning of sitting somewhere pretty, with a nice cup of tea and a slice of cake, and working on fun ideas for my business!

There you go guys, I will get on that right after the Easter holidays, because right now Cornwall is a little bonkers! Let me know what you think you need holding accountable for when it comes to self-development, let's work on this together.

SHARE:

3 April 2019

FEELING THE FEAR



I wanted to spend a bit of time talking to you about how important it is to really lean into fear, emotions and overwhelm sometimes. Last week was one of the most challenging weeks I have had for a while and, although I usually share a lot with you guys, I am not ready to share everything that went on in my world last week, but now that I am safely on the other side of things and have had time to reflect, I can see why things had to happen the way they did and have a greater understanding of why I needed to have that 'moment' last week.

One of the biggest, most significant shifts I have made more recently, is to try to allow any emotions I am feeling the space to come out, and not stuff them down until I can barely breathe. This is not easy, and it is super exhausting to go through, but when you allow it, beautiful things can happen.

Anyone can have a good cry, shout or whatever it is that we do to release the pent up emotions we hold inside, but what I really mean by giving them 'space' is to not only let them out halfheartedly,  but to really let them out; sob until you have to bathe your eyes open, scream into a cushion (if that's your thing... personally I'm a crier!) and, when you are done, and probably totally exhausted, that is when the magic starts to happen.

PS: It won't feel like magic at first...



Tuesday was the day that I totally fell apart last week. I felt like a broken human; nothing could stop the tears flowing except when I could barely breathe anymore and had to keep splashing cold water on my face again and again to stop the swelling in my eyes. Those things distracted me for long enough to stop the crazy overflow of tears, which only started again as soon as I went back to my desk to try and work (no work happened).

What started off as a few tears over a little bit of stress/worry, spiraled so fast and, before I knew it, I had hit rock bottom and life was a total mess. I felt frightened, overwhelmed by everything life had to offer and my brain chose that time to fire up my ego into 'attack' mode. Add to the mix a poor limping Gizmo who had somehow suddenly hurt her leg and I was a disaster (animals will always make me cry anyway!).

(This may not sound like much guys but, take my word for it when I tell you that I am giving you a very 'airbrushed' version of events).

That evening though, as I sat bathing my eyes open and feeding my dinner to Gizmo (she had a great time), I had this total feeling of calm wash over me. Partly it was utter exhaustion of course, but also it was very much about needing to let everything out. I sat for a while just taking in all the things that had happened that day; all the crazy thoughts and irrational fears and I let myself realise that I had just come through a really terrible day and I was proud of myself for it, which may sound silly to you, but it was so hard but I had made it out the other side.

The biggest thing I try to remember on the real crisis type of days, is that it can only get better, so hanging on, even by the thinnest thread, is what I focus on. What feels like the scariest, loneliest moment, can become your biggest victory and most joyful lesson, despite the pain.

All it takes is honest reflection.

Some times there are things that we need to learn about ourselves or our lives that are so hard to face that it is easier to bury our heads in the sand and just carry on glazing over them, but how can we ever move forward if that is what we continue to do all the time? We really have to face things head on; seek help, talk to someone, journal our feelings, meditate - just do anything positive!

Yes it hurts like hell, it really does, but it is so worth it for the personal growth alone. You may spend a week recovering from it (and using litres of concealer to cover the red, swollen eyes) but my goodness, you will be so much better off for it.

Facing fear is brave, it is full of surprises too. Don't let your ego tell you stories of how things may turn out either, because that ego of ours talks utter sh*t, it really does. If you are feeling fear or overwhelm then face it head on so that the next time you feel it you will be that little bit stronger!

Here are my top three pieces of advice for facing fear...

1. Ask yourself what it is you are afraid of and then assess whether what you are thinking is a story you have constructed out of the fear, rather than a fact that will definitely happen. In other words, be rational!

2. Chances are that if you are fearful of something it is because you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in some way. This is a good thing, so do it.

3. It doesn't matter how hard something feels at the time, or how desperate you feel in the moment, it will get easier. If you are in full fear and overwhelm together, give yourself a moment, don't act in the full emotion of it all. Take some time, if you need it, to reflect.

Don't forget to reach out for help too; we all need a friendly ear or shoulder to cry on. But most importantly remember this: you are amazing, you can do anything, and when you feel at your worst, it is just a moment in the bigger picture of your life, so let it pass, let it teach you what it is meant to and then let it go. Become a better person for it, then you win and it loses!
SHARE:
© From Lucy, with Love. All rights reserved.
Blogger Templates by pipdig