26 February 2019

38... LET'S DO THIS!



Today I celebrate 38 years flying through the universe on this tiny dot we call Earth; well done mum for having me lifted out of you, which I am pretty sure was nowhere near as easy as I made it sound (I am picturing that scene from The Lion King when Simba gets lifted up on the edge of the cliff... that's totally how they do caesareans right?!). I always like to pop a birthday-related post up so I have something to remind me how the year has been, so if you want to humor me and have a read let's go!

I want to reflect a little on some of the things that life has brought up over the last year, in a very similar sense to what I did last year, which, now that I go back to the post, could be totally relevant for this year in the most part! Let's face it, I am still an awkward human in most social situations, battling between being part extrovert and part introvert (just think Chandler Bing and his 'I-must-try-and-say-something-when-there-is-silence' dodgy humor and you'll get it!). I have way too many thoughts rushing through my brain all at once, at any given time, so I never really complete any list, because I am always adding to it! I am also the worlds worst at sitting and doing nothing: if a film is on I have to be working or writing or sketching... doing anything but simply sitting (this is not a good thing and needs working on!). I'll save the rest of my fabulous quirks for the end of the post, I don't want to peak too soon, for now let's chat about the bigger areas of life shall we?

S P I R I T U A L I T Y

This has certainly meant a lot more to me in the last year, not in a specific way at all, but I have been a lot more consistent in how I practice the things that help keep me level headed, calm and content. I have found some books and podcasts that really resonate with me and ditched all the things that were just creating 'noise' in my head, rather than actually helping me become a more balance human!

Having certain things I do daily/most days, such as angel cards, journaling, reading certain books, listening to interesting podcasts and meditating or walking meditation really help me to realign with what matters, try to bring a bit of inner peace and tune back into my intuition (which is one of my 'things' - I have always been very intuitively led with most life choices, especially over the last five or so years).

M E N T A L  H E A L T H

This has been a huge deal over the last twelve months especially; even though I have been suffering with something mental health related since around 14/15 years old. I am a big believe in cycles of change and I think that, right now, my mental health is going through a shift; I won't say it is easy (it is ridiculously painful some days), but I know that there is a deeper reason for it and that, when I emerge from this shift (hopefully soon), I will be able to reflect and realise why it had to happen. With age has come the realisation that nothing happens without reason and, as that famous quote says 'this too shall pass' (thanks to Peta for reminding me of that one in my hour(s) of need last Friday!).

If any of you guys are fellow MH sufferers always try to see the positive in life; start by writing down the little things you are grateful for every single day, and before you know it you will start to see more and more things. I know this can be super hard on the worst days, but try your best or, if it is really bad, just read previous lists and remember what made you smile before. 



 C O N F I D E N C E

My confidence has grown in so many ways this year (despite my mental health struggles). The key to it has been just focusing on my own sh*t! Simple. There are days where I lose all the confidence (usually hormone or MH related) but I have learnt to ride the storm and remember that it will pass by. Thinking back to how I felt about my business a year ago has made me realise how much strength and self belief I have gained. I am 100% confident in my brand and what, as a business owner, I believe to be the ethos of Leaf Lane Studio; and because of that belief (even though I have a long way to go) I know I can make it work. I work hard at it, I do a lot to teach myself new things and to try and be the best I can be as a person, in business and in my personal life; it doesn't always go to plan because, hey, we all f**k up don't we, but I try my best and push myself all the time because I know I am capable of more.

The big area of confidence I have worked on this last year, which is a continuing battle for me is my body image and relationship with food. I worked with Peta, and her wonderful business 'Nourishing Soulfully', on food mentoring sessions (I'm not so confident I have called the sessions the right thing, forgive me Peta!) which really, really helped me, but I have a lot of work still to do.

I am definitely getting there in many ways; my strength increase in the gym has given me greater confidence in my body and its ability to do hard things (in-fact, this morning I managed a 100kg rack pull, which is a personal best for me!); the encouragement I get from the people I train around and with has helped soooo much. My body has been through a lot and is still in one piece (mostly!), and I want to give it less of a hard time. That will hopefully have happened by this time next year; I will keep working on it.

O T H E R  T H I N G S . . . 

I have some of the most amazing female friendships I have ever had in my life right now. I am not someone who has a huge group of girl-friends that all meet up, we are scattered all over the place, but I hold them all close to my heart and they support me through so much (even though I can be impossible to get personal stuff out of some days and get told off when they eventually learn I've been suffering in silence!). Helena, my lobster, you are bloomin' wonderful you beautiful human, Peta, fellow cat mum and long suffering bike-widow... I appreciate our friendship so much. Kimberley, my Octo (how have I got two sea-creatures as friends?!), you are such a wonderful light in my life and I love our chats over salads cake (not that you actually get a word in). Kat... you support me through everything and I am soooo grateful for you honey. CB, you are bloody bonkers (I can't write about you because it may be blocked by the people that run the interwebs!), need I say more? I love all you guys and, if I haven't mentioned you then it means I have a terrible memory and I am high as a kite on millionaires shortbread right now so please forgive me! (This well meaning paragraph may end badly for me!).

I can honestly say that, whilst life is certainly not at its easiest right now, I am feeling more capable and proud of what I have achieved than ever before; it is not materialism that lights me up at all, it is all the small things that happen throughout the week and being able to learn and unfold more as a person; those are the things make me happy. I look at the things that happen in life through totally different eyes to how I used to and, even when times seem really hard, I try everything I can to learn the lesson from what has been shown to me through the experience I have had. If that sounds a little hippy then, yeah, maybe it is, but it's who I am, and at 38 I am proud of who I am, even some of the hard things I've faced, because they have brought me to the very place in life I am at right now, and that is pretty wonderful.

Here's to another year ahead and, boy do I plan to make it count! Stay tuned for the next chapter!

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2 comments

  1. Oh you wonderful wonderful wonderful human being!! I love you so bloomin’ much and I’m so proud of how much you’ve achieved in the past year!! 🥰💕

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    1. Bless your fluffy cat lady socks, love YOU lots xx

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