17 October 2018

WHAT WE HAVE TO ACCEPT...



Firstly guys, thank you ever so much for bearing with me over the last week or so; I have quite a few health-related issues happening and last week it all became a bit much and my poor old body had decided a rest was needed, but I am back now, so let's hop straight into todays post!

I have been thinking a lot recently about things in my life/about myself that I struggle to accept on a daily basis and have decided that, whilst certain things are a 'work in progress' or will never be 'done' (self improvement is never done right?!) I must accept where I am now as a valid place to be, even if it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. 

The fact that we are all constantly searching for more (materialistic items, spiritual enlightenment, money, recognition... whatever your 'thing' is) means that we are never truly living in our 'now', and that is rather sad to think about isn't it? It is so difficult to be present when life is running by at a million miles an hour and we are fed so many things on television, on-line and on social media that tell us the things we 'need' to do/gain to be younger, slimmer, fitter, or just a better all round human; this focuses our minds away from the moment we are in and onto the future us.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with thinking ahead, I honestly think that we are kind of losing sight of ourselves a little and so I decided to sit and have a think about the reasons I can use as possible excuses to avoid living in my now and really work on accepting them more, whilst still seeking the balance of improvement and bettering certain circumstances, but just with a more realistic vision, and less of a 'I'll be successful when I've... *insert whatever the thing is here*.

Here is my list of things I need to sit with for a while in order to enjoy my present moment a little more...

1. My body weight fluctuates because of health issues.
This is one of the big boys for me for so many reasons, but mostly because it sets off my mental health massively. I will get around to writing a blog post on how I have been dealing with food differently as soon as my health improves (I also touch on it in a vlog which will be up today or tomorrow!). I seem very unable to cope with my body shifting and, with my current health situation being a little all over the place it means my training has been far from consistent too, which has only added fuel to the already burning fire. I had a moment of clarity the other day where I just thought 'my God woman, stop with the crazy body shaming; you are poorly, your body is crying out for a rest, so how about you just accept it and don't worry for a change'. This is my biggest mountain to climb and, right now, with all the hormone issues and heavens knows what else, I really don't feel my best and therefore assume that everyone else is thinking the same about me too. I need to work on accepting myself for the moment I am in and that is why this is top of the list. I am trying to get out of the restriction/full-on-diet mindset and move into something much more healthy all round and have been working with Peta, of the newly named 'Nourishing Soulfully', to do this... blog post to come soon! But to relate this back to the topic in hand; by me constantly worrying and thinking 'I should be doing 'this' or 'that' in order to change my body, I am working so hard to try and just be in the moment and allowing myself to feel into my present physical shape without judgement. So very hard!

2. I can't do all the things I want with my business right away.
Quite honestly, this is purely financial, but it is still frustrating. I have ideas, plans, products and things I want to do with Leaf Lane Studio but I know it is a slow game (unless I want to end up in debt, which I really do not!). I had planned to release a little Christmas collection of goodies, but it just isn't realistic for me right now and, do you know what, that really is okay. I have realised recently that sometimes slow and steady really does win the race and, as long as I am taking steps forward I should be happy with that. I often remind myself of that saying which goes something like 'remember when you wanted to be where you are right now', because that seems so relevant to me. Accepting where I am and staying positive about the future and the plans I have to make this business really work for the long term is my goal, rather than feeling like a failure for not being able to have products out for Christmas this year. This, my friends, is the reality of being a business owner, and I am here to tell you it is hard (but bloody fabulous too!).

3. I don't have to feel guilty for taking a rest.
I have spent a vast amount of the last couple of weeks asleep or resting and that is not something I am used to needing to do. I am one of those people who is always tired but, recently, I have wanted to sleep more and more and have felt so exhausted to the point of not being able to string a sentence together. As I lay on the bed I would be racked with guilt and end up feeling even worse for it, but I had a chat with my bestie over message the other day and she made me feel so much better (thanks Helena xx). Whether it is my physical or mental health that disrupts the daily routine, I am allowed to go with what feels right; as much as I know this and would certainly advise rest to others, I struggle so much to do what is right for me without being racked with guilt and the feeling of laziness. Isn't it crazy to think what we do to ourselves when, really, we should rest, switch off, and then return to life once we are recovered and able to function; that is so much more productive!

4. I'm just not confident with my business finances.
I made the decision to stop torturing myself and worrying endlessly about tax returns and various other things, and reached out to a local accountant for help. Yes, it is an investment, but the amount of worry and anxiety it will lift off me, making me more productive in the long term, is well worth it! These are the things I'm talking about really, the little things that can help us stay focused on our day and not be day dreaming about possible disasters in our future! (Also, I truly felt like a grown up calling an accountant... which I really should already feel at 37 years old surely!).

These things are what take up the most space in my head day to day and so the sooner I can shrink them right down, the faster I will be back to living in the moment and enjoying things as they come along, rather than pondering the 'what if's'. These things can also render me somewhat useless at pushing myself too, because my head is too full of worry or guilt to feel creatively 'on' and able to design new products, for example, so the knock on effect is bigger than you think sometimes.

Let's all learn that we work in seasons and with our health and our moods and just try our best to accept that as our reality shall we? It is so easy to feel like the only one out there feeling a certain way, so it would be nice to hear what you guys are trying to accept in your life right now too... let's chat in the comments!
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1 comment

  1. What a beautifully written post Lucy, the part where you mention 'remember when you wanted to be where you are right now' really hit home with me. Thank you for this my lovely, sending lots of love your way.
    Peta xx

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