2 March 2018

THIRTY SEVEN



A big round of applause to me for turning 37 and getting worse at putting up posts on time! In my defense we had visitors this week AND it was snowing! I wanted to do a post on my actual birthday, which was Monday 26th, but here I am, on a Friday, frantically posting it! 

Last year I went for a list of things I had learnt when I reached my birthday, '36 Things At 36', click here to read it (sorry the image is missing!) and so this year I am doing something kind of similar but broken down into categories. I know that this sort of post may not interest everyone, but it is lovely for me to be able to look back on something so I hope you don't mind!

:: T H I N G S  I  H A V E  L E A R N T ::
I can safely say that I have learnt, over the last year, that I am much stronger than I realised and a lot more capable of surviving horrible circumstances than I ever thought. In the last twelve months I have been able to summon up large amounts of bravery, where previously I would have buried my head in the sand and just kept things to myself. I have pushed myself to do things that I would have avoided at all costs and the result of that is I can now lead a much more free life, with less anxiety and stress. It does come up every now and again of course, and can sometimes be pretty extreme, but it isn't every single day anymore. Starting a new life in Cornwall certainly played a big part in that process and has helped heal a lot of things in me.

I have also accepted that, at night (in the dark), problems seem too large to deal with and that with the morning light and a new day, things will sort themselves out and calm will be restored again. When I have been super anxious in the evenings I have taken to... wait for it... doing a puzzle! Yep, puzzles are great for mindfulness and for passing time and I am now a proud puzzler!

:: T H I N G S  T H A T  H A V E  C H A N G E D ::
The last twelve months have passed by quicker than any others I have experienced and so many things have changed since my last birthday. I have launched my business, Leaf Lane Studio, and opened my Etsy shop too (still a work in progress!); these things were huge for me to accomplish and, whilst it is still early days for the business, I am so happy that I managed to get moving on them. Thanks to the process of starting Leaf Lane Studio and everything that I needed to do in order to launch it, I have managed to squash some other worries that I have carried about for many years including the worry around my skills not being good enough to launch a business. This specific thing was helped by talking to so many different people, some who have successful businesses already, and realising that they also feel that way. For some reason I thought that all of the things I didn't know how to do for my business (e.g. working alongside a printer) meant that I couldn't step into my dream of doing it. I realised very fast that these things were total bulls**t and excuses I was putting in my own path. As soon as I understood that it was almost impossible for a business owner to know everything then a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Moving to Cornwall and getting a little part time job with the printers has also changed my anxiety levels. As I have mentioned before, I would normally feel so worked up at the thought of having to drive around tiny roads, filled with cars, to try and find some free parking whilst I go and work, but now I actually quite enjoy the challenge and the walk into town with my little rucksack on my back and a business podcast in my ears! I am feeling less and less weighed down by the things that bugged me previously and feel much less frightened of life.



:: R E A L I S A T I O N S ::
All of the things I said above, about anxiety and stress are very true, however I have come to the realisation that my mental health issues will always be a part of who I am and I truly embrace them now. I have zero shame or worry surrounding people knowing how I feel and how people with mental health problems can suffer and I will fight to the bitter end to talk about things that are hard to open up about.

Another thing I really don't give a damn about being open about these days is my spiritual side. Am I absolutely full on immersed in it? No. But I like having my oracle cards and crystals around for comfort and friendly guidance; they by no means define my life or make me change my path, purely give me a little ritual of calm and mindfulness each and every day and I love that.

One of the biggest things I have come to realise in the last twelve months is that how people show they love you can sometimes knock you off your feet when you least expect it.

:: O T H E R  R A N D O M S ::
:: I have two new tattoos now, after years of saying 'I hate tattoos and will never ever get one' I now have a total of three. Nice one Lucy!
:: It is totally impossible not to eat an entire packet of peanut M & M's.
:: I will never have style! Evidence is in what I am currently wearing... thermal leggings covered with fleecy, navy blue, polka-dot pajama bottoms with huge fluffy socks over the top with a thermal long-sleeved top, a long-sleeved stripey top over that, another top of the same type with different colours over that one and a very old jumper over all of those. Watch out Vogue, here I come!
:: At 37 I am still utterly incapable of hanging up the clothes I take off at the end of the day (please say I am not alone!). We have a basket for clothes that are just washed and dried but need ironing on the floor in the bedroom and I tend to throw clothes I take off in there...several days worth are currently on top of clean clothes. I am a dream aren't I?!
:: I can fall asleep almost instantly at 2pm any day. I lose the ability to function from about 1.30pm until 4pm ish. Why?!

I hope you enjoyed this little life inventory and be sure to let me know in the comments if you can relate to anything! Save me from myself!
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1 comment

  1. Oh Lucy what a wonderful list, and an amazing year for you. I can totally relate to the clothes and not hanging them up as well as your atire!! I spend my life in leggings, huge socks (usually Fraser's) and layer upon layer of tops and jumpers, topped off with one of Fraser's big hoodies. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Hehe!
    I hope this year brings you all you could ever wish for.
    Love,
    Peta xx
    www.pe-ta.com

    ReplyDelete

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