6 September 2017

A LETTER I WISH I COULD WRITE


Recently, as life has changed significantly, and I am closer to being my happiest self ever (just one or two low days here and there rather than weeks or months of the black cloud hovering about) I have been thinking a lot about the people that have been in my life when I have been at my darkest, when I have been unwilling or not wanting to feel better. Yep, that's the thing about mental health lovely friends, sometimes, lost in the sheer hell of it all, it can become your only friend, a recognisable feeling that you hate and yet acts as a strange comfort all at once. It seems like the only stable thing in your life but it is simultaneously the reason you are at your worst. 

If I could write a letter to some of the significant people that have been in my life over the years and the ones who have left my life, probably branding me as a total f**ked up idiot, these are some of the things I would say...


... thank you for every bit of support you ever offered me and all the times you stepped in to help me, cover my arse or steer me away from trouble. I may not have realised what you were doing for me at the time but I do now; you are the reason I am still here. I often ask myself why it is that with time comes such clarity because, well, it would've been handy to have seen what you were going through in the moment, rather than just focusing on what I was going through. You must have been suffering as much as me, feeling worried and scared and probably like you wanted to leave me and run in the opposite direction, which I probably told you to do countless times, but you didn't.

These days you may not recognise who I have become. I am driven, motivated, inspired and more in tune with who I am than I have ever been. Sometimes I wish you could see me now and be proud of who I have become, because I feel like I owe it to you to let you see I am not the person you once knew. 

Thank you for your kindness, your patience and your support through it all.


It's so weird to have hindsight isn't it? I don't have any regrets in life because I see it all as part of the path I am meant to be following but, the one thing I wish I could do is sit and have a conversation with a small handful of people to whom I will always be thankful. I feel frustrated that they have no idea how grateful I am for their time in my life but maybe one day I will get to tell them.

There are still people in my life now that stand by me of course, but the difference these days is that I actually help myself! I am much more aware of what is going on and how I am behaving, which means I have the chance to say how I am feeling from a more informed place.

Anyway, I wanted to put this post up because it's been a while since I talked about anything mental health related. I am lucky enough to have found a great amount of stability, made much easier by a significant change to my lifestyle and kept balanced through medication. When I look back at the days where I was either on and off meds or trying to self-medicate here and there, I just think that I must have looked like a right old disaster zone! The thing is though guys, is that sometimes we have to put ourselves through these horrific times to find out who we are and, if we are lucky to come out of those times with people still around, us then we are very fortunate.

My message here I guess, is to always try to communicate. Always seek professional help and don't turn your nose up at the thought of medication. It may take a while to find what works but try it, be patient (even though you are desperate) because, when you find the right balance of meds, healthy lifestyle and supportive friends/family, you will improve so much quicker.

As always, feel free to comment, or email me if you want to have a chat on fromlucywithlove@outlook.com but more importantly, if you or anyone you know is in need of support please seek the help of your doctor or a mental health charity, such as Mind (0300 12303393).
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2 comments

  1. What an honest post Lucy, thank you for sharing.
    I'm so glad you're feeling closer to your happiest self x

    ReplyDelete
  2. soo good to see such sort of positivity in a negative faced world good luck for more

    ReplyDelete

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