21 June 2017

A NEW CHAPTER IN MY HEALTH & FITNESS JOURNEY



I wrote a blog post back in April titled 'Building a Better Relationship with Your Body', in which I talked about body confidence and the relationship I have had with my body over the years (it has been a big old roller coaster!). Whilst I stand by every single word of that post, I also like to be transparent about all things connected to my mental health in the hope that others, in a similar situation to me, may not feel so alone. 

Before I go into this post I just want to say, as I always do when I fear something may trigger someone, that if anyone wants to chat with me about anything that comes up in this post please comment below or feel free to drop me an email on fromlucywithlove@outlook.com - but please remember to speak to the professionals if you feel you need more support. I suffered for years before finally getting proper support and now, I can honestly say, with the help of a minimum amount of medication, my mental health is a lot more stable.

As you will already know if you have been a long-term reader of my blog, I have had quite a long term 'thing' with my weight. I judge no-one who is curvy (I love curves) or anyone who is 'overweight' but, for me, I don't feel well (mentally and physically) if I am carrying more weight than I should and my body does not react positively to it. On the flip side of that I would never want to be too 'slight' either. I adore muscles and being strong is something I love. Physical happiness is very much an individual thing and we all feel differently about our bodies and the weight we feel is ideal for us (and that is awesome). The long and the short of that very waffled paragraph is that this post is only my thoughts on my own body so please don't think I am judging. Read my last body confidence post to see that I will never judge anyone.

Last year I worked with a coach on-line on a 12 week transformation programme and it was amazing. I got results, learned so much about the food I was putting in my mouth and lost fat, which was my goal. The style of the programme was meant to be intense and designed to get results, and it really did. Over all I have kept off the weight, only fluctuating here and there at 'that' time of the month!

Almost a year on from the end of the programme and I am now in a different situation, particularly mentally. I am confident that I have a good knowledge of nutrition but what I find troublesome is my mental relationship with food. I am struggling and it is making me unhappy and anxious. It is such a strange place to find myself because I can, and do, make very good choices with food. I know what my body needs and I give it what it needs 85% of the time. 

I am also finding the mirror is my enemy once again. Honestly guys, I am aware how stupid it all is but I am also not willing to let it take a hold on me. I have been disliking what I see in the mirror for as long as I can remember. There are things I have to learn to accept and there are some things I can improve on and it is time I focused on those things. It is so pointless looking at loose skin on my inner thighs and beating myself up about it because, unless I have it operated on, it is not going anywhere. This time of year it is magnified by the heat and I let it make me feel disgusting. I am doing my best to overcome that by journaling daily and getting my thoughts on paper, which helps me a great deal.

After several weeks of struggling to go to the gym for the worry of what people will think when they look at me I decided the time had come to snap out of it and so I have made the decision to do some more coaching. This time it is different though; although it is an on-line programme, the coach I will be working with is an awesome personal trainer who takes clients at the gym I go to. We had a chat and her approach is slow and steady and she is aware of my current food issues. I am starting with her soon and cannot wait. More on that when I get going but I wanted to let you guys know about the latest stage of 'Lucy's Self-Love Project'!

There are so many crazy, psychological facets involved in learning to accept the skin you are in isn't there? I just find it frustrating that I spend so much of my precious time on this planet worrying about going somewhere for the fear of what someone might think of how I look. If anyone has any magical remedies for this stupidity please get in touch! (ASAP!).

Anyway, what with Leaf Lane Studio almost there and a new coach situation (thanks to my ever so amazing husband) I am hoping that I can stop feeling so anxious and start enjoying where I am in my life right now.
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2 comments

  1. Sending all the love and feel good vibes Lucy. It's a long rocky road and I really do feel what you're going through. At the moment I'm going through a stage where I'm more or less happy with myself in my underwear or naked if I look in the mirror but the moment I put clothes on I recoil. I think my body shape has changed slightly as has my taste in fashion and the fact that I now long for floaty, loose fitting clothes as opposed to tight fitting tops and dresses. I think it's time for me to save a little and go shopping!

    I'm like you in the way that I eat incredibly healthy the majority of the time, I workout on a regular basis and have to say that I've been doing yoga videos each morning and a short meditation using an app each morning which is really changing the way I think. I'm more mindful, kinder to myself and have more respect for my body and what it has gone through and will go through.

    Wishing you the very best with your new coach, how exciting! I can't wait to hear how it goes.
    Peta x
    www.pe-ta.com

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    1. You are honestly SO incredibly lovely. It is such a battle isn't it. For me, all this has stemmed from bullying at school, which seems insane but it is true. I go through stages of feeling comfortable in my own skin and then super uneasy. I am trying, like you, to do more in the way of meditation and yoga as well as all the full on stuff but really my mental battle is food. I feel guilty if I am eating anything these days so then end up just eating everything and then nothing! Crazy behaviour! Thank you for always being so supportive and such a wonderful inspiration. One day, when we are both in the same place at the same time, we should have a little cuppa together xx

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