15 March 2017

WHY ARE WE SO HARD ON OURSELVES?


* Before I start this post, I want to open with a little disclaimer! Last Wednesday I posted about positivity and I don't want today's post to be seen as a contradiction, it is simply an observation. At least when we observe a certain behaviour it means we can positively change it around (see what I did there!). Plus, I like writing about this kind of stuff as we can 'pull together' as a community and stop doing these crazy things that can make us feel pretty bad inside. 

Rant over, let's begin!

Since leaving my job and moving to Cornwall, I have noticed something about my psyche that I have been struggling with and I thought I would discuss it here, as I know sharing these kinds of thoughts is useful and makes us feel less alone with our issues.

Let me start by saying that I have pretty much always been in employment; sometimes in more than one job or hustling on the side at least. For the purpose of this post, can we also just file away the fact that I know we all need money to live. We all need food, water and a roof over our heads, that is a given. 

Before moving, Joe and I did our sums and, thanks to him, I am able to spend a few weeks working on my own business, trying to align everything and launch, before looking for a part-time job to support me along the way. This is an opportunity I am endlessly grateful for and, ever since we unpacked and set up our new home, I have been structuring my days to be 'work days', because they are, the only thing I am currently missing is a salary.

I get up between 6am and 7am, go to the gym, come home, shower, eat breakfast and start my day. If I am somewhat slow at getting started I add the extra time to the end of the day. I take less breaks then ever before because I am so in love with what I am doing that I lose track of time. I multi-task my way through the house work, washing, ironing, cooking and everything in-between whilst making art work for Leaf Lane Studio, designing products for an Etsy store I am looking to open, writing blog posts, recording and editing videos for my YouTube Channel, networking on-line and joining blogger programmes to help get From Lucy with Love out-there more and (hopefully) gain some different opportunities for myself whilst remaining true to the 'brand' I have built up and believe in. This all adds up to a full day of work and I am loving the challenge and the fire in my belly to make these things happen. It feels great, I am feeding my soul doing all this, yet something strange is festering in my head, and that is what I want to throw open for discussion...

I feel inadequate. 

Can this all stem from the fact that, right at this moment in time, I am not bringing in hard cash? That is the only thing I can think of because I am certainly working my butt off. I guess, at this specific moment I have nothing tangible to show for the hours I am putting in but I know that it will all come together very soon. 

Yet, if I know that, then why do I feel like this.

This got me thinking about how many women I know end up feeling like this. Whether it is because they have decided to take a step back from work to raise their family or to go back to education or for some other reason, they are left feeling... well, a bit useless. It is so not true though (and I am saying that to myself as well as anyone else who feels this way).

The way I see it is, as long as you aren't laying in bed, casually sipping tea and watching some junk on TV until late afternoon (which, by the way, is totally okay to do every now and then!) and you are 'up and at 'em' building your life, in whatever way that manifests for you, then you are a capable, proactive human being! As long as you know what you are doing and you are not failing to feed yourself and pay the bills, then that doesn't make you a failure.

I suppose it goes back to that subject I have spoken about several times on here before: just because you choose not to live a 'normal' life it doesn't mean you are inadequate.

Let me know in the comments if you have experienced or are experiencing these feelings, I would love to chat about it more.

Thank you for making it to the end of the post! I really appreciate you reading every word and for being here.

PS: I still have a few bits of art available to buy over on my Instagram account (set up for specifically just my art work)  

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2 comments

  1. Ah this really resonates with me. I took six years out of paid work after I had my youngest. I gained my degree in that time and had a very small online shop but I still felt inadequate. I constantly tore myself up and worried that I was doing the wrong thing just because everyone else I knew was working normal jobs yet I can honestly say I was happy. I had to take a step back and try not to compare/focus too much on those around me and just home in on us as a family and how we were doing and we survived!!we put waay too much pressure on ourselves to conform to society putting what others think above our out desires and needs. I think what you've done is amazingly brave and wonderful. You should be really proud and I wish you all the best for the future!

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    1. I cannot tell you how much I needed that comment today and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write it. Thank you! I hope you are having a lovely week so far xx

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