8 June 2016


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{Image sourced from Pinterest}

This feeling I am about to talk about has been years in the making. 35 years to be precise.

The feeling I refer to is, for want of a better phrase, 'Self Appreciation'. Not an arrogant, 'aren't I bloody amazing' sort (although, I wouldn't knock that either), but the sort of appreciation that has accepted where you are now and is enjoying the journey of it. Let me dig into this a bit...

I have spent my whole life, from the earliest of ages, looking at myself and hating what I saw, feeling inadequate, stupid and like my opinions and ideas really don't count for much. Running parallel to those destructive thoughts has been the 'dreaming of being someone else' saga, someone; thinner, more intelligent, taller, funnier, cuter, less awkward (insert endless lists of other hopes here). I think it is safe to say that we all do that, but the question is why? Why waste time on that when we don't have a lot of time anyway.

What we should be doing right now, and every day, is enjoying our own damn journey. It has taken me so long to realise that sculpting my own life, just the way I would like it to be, is all part of the fun. Sometimes the 'fun' is effing difficult to see, like when my coach asks me to send him photos of my flabby physique, but I am learning that I am working on changing that part of me that makes me slightly mad and that is why it is special. I am pushing my body, achieving things I haven't done for a long time, and I wouldn't change it for the world. This last year, rather than looking at another girls body and thinking 'why don't I look like you' and feeling a pang of the green eyed monster, I just think 'wow, she's beautiful' and then get back to my own training and my own goals. If offered the chance to swap bodies with someone else I would have to say a big, fat 'no'. 

Working on launching a business is another example. I didn't approach it for years, choosing to spend way too much time worrying about what could go wrong and how other people are doing so well that I would probably fail. How does that make any sense at all? I have learnt so much by just moving forward, reading business blog posts, listening to podcasts and actually doing the work. Do I have a lot more to learn? Hell yes, ridiculous amounts, but that is the point! 

Being more productive, setting goals (short and long term) and making yourself accountable to something or someone, is the way to start accepting yourself for who and what you are. Sitting still and just day-dreaming about the life you want, whatever this may be to you, is going to lead to comparison, overwhelming lists of reasons why not to do it and self doubt.

I can say, hand on heart, that I would not swap places with a successful business owner who is super fit and super happy and has everything she needs. I am loving my own journey, as cheesy as that sounds. I am discovering so many amazing things and people and enjoying feeling the emotions that come with it (the good and the bad).

Hopefully this makes some kind of sense. Let me know if you are in the same head space as me and tell me what you are working towards in the comments, let's spur each other on!

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